Thursday, February 2, 2012
human without shadow
i have always wondered
why am i the invisible one
or am i a human without a shadow.....??
Once, i have even hid at the corner of the room thinking that if i am invisible, i do better vanish and the world will be a better place for others to live in. That was what i have in my mind at that time. I started making foolish plans to vanish. This was of course years back when i was in my adolescent years. Not only was i a fool but also a very naive teenager. I fall in and out of love only to realise that none of it was love but crushes instead. The feeling came and left before i knew it. To tell the truth, i have never been in love. Not till recently. Not till 2010. Not till then. But it was the same. I started to feel invisible again. Why do i start to feel invisible? I was ignored at times. It was not his fault though. He doesn't have any feelings for me and he loves another person. She is someone very precious. But i have always loved him and will do for the rest of my life. Sometimes, i wondered why did i fall for him in the first place. was it his personality or was it his appearance? Could it be the interests we both shared? I have never wanted love so badly till he came into my life. Because of him, i did things i never do for others. Because of him i cried. Tears flow because i know love wasn't meant for us. I do not want to know what sadness is nor do i want to know what sorrow is but i cried. I have lived through tears everyday. How am i supposed to forget you? How am i supposed to erase you from my mind? Should i say i am sorry i couldn't forget you? Or should i just stay loving you and yearn for you? Believe me, if i ever meet someone new, he will never be you. There will never be a person like you. You can let this love be unspoken. You can keep me in the dark. You can make me feel invisible without you knowing it. You can make me feel unwanted without you knowing it. and i will continue to live lika a human without a shadow.